One Thousand Cranes

Paper Cranes 8x8 on canvas

Original Available Here

After dealing with our recent loss my aunt sent me a few poems and a little paper crane. It was beyond special, and it's amazing how powerful words can be when you're dealing with any kind of pain. I thought about including just a portion of it. But decided it was best left in its entirety. It inspired the above painting.

"One Thousand Cranes" by Michael Petit 

What if, in answer to need or pain, 
you were to fold one thousand paper cranes- 

taking the rice-white sheets of paper 
one by one in your fingers

following the now ancient pattern
once someone's new creation

folding together edges, corners,
points along a line or at the center

creating the slender body, long
neck and beak, the wings

believing with each motion
you moved closer to your wish, that passion

filling your heart, white
flock aloft across the blue sky

doubting, for that is human,
for the moment what you've begun

persevering despite doubt, divine
voyage toward paradise

finishing the last fold
not once but over and over

setting each sacred bird down lightly
beside the ones already flying

counting how many you have done,
how many more are yet to come

losing count but not that memory
your hands and your heart keep

going, going over, forward toward 
the end that is no end-

what would you ask to happen
that had not happened before then,

when you were at long last finished and knew 
your longing and journeying are never through?

The Raven

The Raven

24x24 acrylic on canvas

I thought I'd share some recent progress on a larger painting I've been working on.

What started out as a colorful mess 

(my mom and I did some collaborative painting on some of these initial layers)

became a collection of branches with some interesting bulbs on them

and then I became obsessed with this Springy green color and decided I needed it everywhere! And here this painting sat for several weeks.  I had it up on the wall so I could take little peeks at it throughout the day.

I finally felt like it needed something and this figure of a woman came to me and I ran with it.

After a little more defining, this swirl of 'leaves' came dancing out of the corner. And then again this painting sat for a couple of days. It didn't 'feel' quite right, but I didn't know what direction I wanted to go...

And then it just hit me... this raven 

(you might call it a crow, but we called them ravens in Alaska)

was just waiting for me to set him free.

And I feel REALLY good about where this painting sits now. Maybe a few final touches, but now it feels right. 

Ravens seem like such mysterious birds to me. It reminds me of the raven  I saw on my visit to Portland last year. I was walking to my last day of painting class with Jesse Reno and this raven appeared to be following me the whole way. I would think he was gone and then peek over my shoulder and see him, still there.  The way he looked at me was as if he expected me to understand what he was telling me. It was a strange moment, wondering if this bird was bringing me a message I either should or shouldn't listen to.  How was I to know? I've never had an experience with an animal like that.  When I told everyone in the class about it, they said I should have just asked him. I never uttered a word, but the next time I see a raven you can bet that I just might ask him what he wants.

no envy, no fear

Ever hear a song and just feel like it's screaming out at you to listen? I get this feeling a lot, like my music selection is giving me messages I need to hear. I've heard this Joshua Radin song, No Envy, No Fear many times but I found myself REALLY listening the other day and just had to look up the lyrics and write them in my journal.

some are reaching, few are therewant to reign from a hero's chairsome are scared to fly so highwell this is how we have to try
have no envy and no fearhave no envyno fear
brother, brother we all seeyour hiding out so painfullysee yourself come out to playa lovers rain will wash away
your envy and your fearso have no envyno fear
when your sister turns to leaveonly when shes most in needtake away the cause of painby showing her were all the same.
have no envy and no fear
every day we try to findsearch our hearts and our mindsthe place we used to call our homecan't be found when we're alone
so have no envy, no fear

I think this is a reoccuring theme for me, recognizing that I need to be okay with where I am right now. As an artist, as a mom, as a person....
So, I'll keep humming this song to myself as a reminder of no envy, no fear.

an explosion of color

I know I haven't posted in awhile, but I've been deep in the artistic trenches these days. I've been trying to push my comfort zone, looking to infuse a bit more color in projects, working on big and small ones, trying some new techniques.... 

I feel like over the course of the last couple of weeks I took a couple steps backward in my work and then finally moved a bit forward. I guess that sometimes that's what it takes. I get hyper focused on an idea sometimes and have to see it through, have to see the end result  even to be able to move past it. The beautiful thing about paint is you can ALWAYS paint over it again.

Here is a small piece I've been working on. It started out as a tree with a few collaged paper flowers. It was pleasant enough, my initial  inspiration was a tree I saw on an olive oil bottle.

Then I decided to start playing with color. I put on some good music and focused less on any idea, just feeling things a bit more intuitively. No plan, no expectations...

And here it is a little farther along, with a bit more imagery added in.

And here is where it sits today. I'm not sure if it's done yet. I think it needs to sit and breathe a little bit.

But even where it sits today feels good. Better than where I was a couple of weeks ago. I can feel some forward momentum building in myself and I'm eager to see where it takes me.

Promise Yourself

(front cover of my inspiration book)

Promise Yourself

Promise yourself to be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind.

To talk of health, happiness, and prosperity to every person you meet.

To make all your friends aware of the special qualities within them.

To look at the sunny side of everything and let your optimism work to make your dreams come true.

To think, work for, and expect only the best.

To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others, as you are about your own.

To forget past mistakes and press on towards a greater future.

To wear a cheerful countenance at all times, as a smile radiates warmth and love.

To give so much time to the improvement of yourself that you have no time left to criticize others.

To be too wise for worry, too tolerant for anger and too courageous for fear.

To be happy.

-Christian B. Larson

growth

Grow Your Handmade Business,

 How to Envision, Develop, and Sustain a Successful Creative Business

by Kari Chapin

Brandon got this super great book for me this Christmas with a reminder that he knows I can make something big happen with my creative heart. Isn't it great to hear those words from someone you love? 

It was a great kick-in-the-butt (that I needed) to get re-energized and re-inspired as this new year begins. I'm only about a third of the way through so far, but for all you creatives out there I would highly recommend it. I haven't had any lightning-bolt moments yet, but she includes a group of creative souls as resources throughout the text and I have found several that I would like to start following in our on-line universe. (My favorite being the uber-fabulous Alexandra Franzen.) 

As I work towards setting some new goals and intentions I keep going back to a simple statement, "You first have to know yourself." Sure it's easy to quickly pass over such a little thing, and want to devour a little further, seeking out the bulleted points of success. But maybe, just maybe it's the bigger question that we all need to think about a little bit more.

Who am I?

What do I want?

What motivates me?

The beautiful thing is that these questions are fluid and impermanent. We can change and grow and rework ourselves 'till we're truly who we want to be.

For me, now....

I believe in the importance of being inspired.

I believe that we must honor the person we were, are, and want to become.

My mission is to create art that speaks to our inner light.

What about you?

our broken hearts are healing and a big thank you to all of you

Our New Year didn't exactly start out as we planned....

 "I'll see you guys in a little bit!" I called out as I bounded out the door on January 3rd for a routine 16 week check-up. About 45 minutes later I was calling Brandon with terrible news, we couldn't find a heartbeat. We were in shock, feeling as if the rug had been pulled out from under us. We were getting so excited, at the following appointment we were going to find out the sex! And now this. This place of no answers, no what-if's, no immediate solace for our brokenness.  It just was what it was.

We felt stuck in between disbelief and shock for days. It was very surreal to have been planning and dreaming of this new addition to our family, all the wonderful and crazy new dimensions it would create for us, and to have that suddenly change. It didn't help that I still looked pregnant, but wasn't. That first glass of red wine should have tasted good, but it didn't. It was raw and painful and hard for us both. 

But in the midst of our tears we were overwhelmed by the support of our friends and family. We had no idea that this experience had touched the lives of so many people we know. I can't say enough how much it meant to me, to have friends, even ones I haven't seen in 10 years, reach out and share their stories. Share their brokenness too. It felt so good to be understood, even if I didn't even fully know everything I was feeling. I feel empowered by my girls and their families, for they have shared their strength and helped me see the light at the end of the tunnel. It makes me wish that I could have been there more for my friends in their time of need. I only hope that I can be the same support for someone in the future. I understand the quietness that this experience lays on you though, the need to deal with it privately and in your own time. 

Sometimes all a girl needs is a hug from her mom. And that is exactly what I got, when she flew out from Alaska to be with us. Thanks mom! You'll never know how much that meant to  me. And all of us. Moms just know when they're needed.

This experience has left me with a new-found appreciation for Warren and our life now. I am left with deep gratitude for the gifts we already have. It is a wonderful reminder to be present and enjoy his silly smile and wild shenanigans. His expressions seem more meaningful and his hugs feel extra sweet these days. I don't want to lose that.

And you know us, we're eternal optimists....we'll try again.